Pink Mouse Pub

where even the tiniest voice can pinch a nerve

Tustin, John

   

I LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU

I love you

like I love you

and I love

almost

nothing else

but you.

You should

 be

honored:

you are elite.

I love you

like I love

no one else:

how terrifying.

Like a punch

in the gut.

Like a knot

in the spine.

Like the smoldering

warmth

of Scotch

in an empty stomach.

I love you

like I’ve loved

no other:

yes,

there were others.

But none

approaching

the wonder

and horror

of you.

I love you

like fire loves

oxygen.

It is a love

that is a need.

I love you

like I love you

and it is all

I can offer:

It

is everything.

It

is nothing.

I offer

me.

 

 

JUST BECAUSE
    
just because nobody thought of you
                                                          like i did
doesn’t mean
                you shouldn’t be thought of.

just because you lie next to him
                                                  cadaverous and sarcastic
doesn’t mean
                you should not occupy the space beside me.

just because your eyes brim large
                                                    with the tears of blasted lifetime
doesn’t mean
                your mouth should be empty of laughter.

just because you die inside
                                      because i cannot hold you
doesn’t mean
                you shouldn’t live.

just because i ask i beg
                                    for the words the signs the touch the taste
doesn’t mean
                when you have no answer, the answer should be

just because.

STEAL

I am afraid to sleep –
you will steal my eyes

I am afraid to step -
you will steal the ground from under me

I am afraid to sleep –
you will abscond with my dreams

I am afraid to swim –
you will abscond with my buoyancy

I am afraid you will take what I am
and who I am and all I love
and I relish this fear that drives me
to and from you and to you again
and your field of flowers and
the salt of your tears
and my leaky rowboat, rudderless
drifts toward you with the inevitable tide –

and I am afraid to breathe
for fear you will steal my breath
and seal it with my heart –
my heart that you stole on the first day
we met

I am afraid to move –
you will steal my mechanisms

I am afraid to think –
you will steal my thoughts

But how can you steal these things
that I have already given to you

whether you wanted them
or not?

TRACKS
  
Your name is an irrelevance.
Your past is merely circumstance.
Nothing is coincidence.
Your clothing is something I will remove
to get to the heart of you.
Your body, now your body
is something to explore.
You are winding hills
and snow covered street,
the gaslit memory
of other lifetimes.
I eat you and drink you
and wash my face in your river
and sleep fitfully beneath
your blanket of stars.

My hair loves you.
My mouth loves you,
the stammering tips of my fingers.
My brain of rusted railroad tracks
leading nowhere
manages to love you
unendingly.

These tracks that now run along
your veins,
your pulse,
the outline of your face
that causes my pulse to quicken,
your steps
that won’t allow me
to falter.

And I wisely
follow these
flimsy tracks
that used to lead me to
wrecks and tears
because they finally
lead me
somewhere good..

They lead me
to you.



 --   JOHN TUSTIN